AKA: Invasion of the Body Snatchers but in Rural Aotearoa
OVERVIEW
Media type: TV show
Streaming service: HBO Max (paid)
Genre: Comedy, horror, mockumentary
Content warnings: Police (it is a police show)
SUMMARY
We begin in a meeting, wherein some officers are congratulated for rescuing a cow stuck up a tree! Unfortunately… another cow is stuck up another tree. Given how damn weird it is for multiple cows to be stuck in multiple trees across multiple days (how do they get up there???), Minogue and O’Leary are brought in on the case.
THEME MUSIC!
Outside the Paranormal Unit’s office, Maaka punches in a new PIN… and… fakes a voice recognition… whatever. Another cow up another tree! What a coincidence… or perhaps more. Whatever it is, it certainly isn’t normal – but some might call it paranormal. I think. It’s not clear by the end of the conversation. Possible normal, albeit unusual options are discussed and ruled out – no forklift goes that high, trees don’t grow up around cows… but Maaka is convinced it’s aliens – and demonstrates how!
O’Leary is a bit concerned for the Sarge, although seeing as there’s no projector screen to put a Powerpoint animation on instead, I think he’s doing a pretty good job. Maaka thinks she should be more concerned for the poor cows, which I have to agree with. Cows aren’t supposed to be stuck up trees. Before they go, Maaka delivers an ominous warning – whatever you may think is unusual in the urban streets of Wellington… it does not perpare you for the rural life. Having seen both, I can agree.
On their way, Minogue tries to philosophise, and then when that fails, tries to think of good comebacks. O’Leary wonders why aliens would ever want to put cows up trees and… uh, probing, before being interrupted! There is a very lost man that’s had a very bad day, talking about… something. In true police fashion, they drive off after a short chat, despite the man being clearly in need of help – a Powerade, at the very least.
As they arrive at the farm, they find the tree, but no cow.
Muzza acts very suspicious, shooing the pair off as soon as they establish that the cow was removed from the tree. He answers questions directly and to the point, and yet in such an unhelpful way that he’s very clearly hiding something. Minogue is disturbed by Muzza’s monotone, but O’Learly insists that that’s just how they talk. Having spoken with farmers… sorry, Karen, he’s got a point.
With a witness statement, the two proceed to Muzza’s brother’s house – although with a strange parting line from Muzza, repeating the last thing O’Leary said to him! It must be spooky, the musical sting said so. O’Leary brushes off everything strange about Muzza with “they’re all like this in the country, Minogue”, which isn’t entirely inaccurate. A decent walk later, and we arrive at Bazza’s house, where–HANG ON A MINUTE.
Bazza looks just like Muzza! Must be twin, I guess. Our detecting duo launches straight into action, questioning him. Bazza sends tem towards the “mysterious field of corn”, which is absolutely not concerning, especially since he says “I’ll herd you”. Man, this guy is creepy.
Not long after, they come across circular shapes within a field of corn! Very spooky.
The pair descend into the strange circles within the crop fields, having decided that it’s very reminiscent of the cover for Led Zeppelin’s Remasters, and discuss the amount of effort the creators of the mysterious patterns have gone to – Minogue almost wondering if Maaka was right, and perhaps, “extra-terresticles” were indeed behind it. O’Leary calls them out for landing in an active farm, when there are clearly visible empty fields nearby. Minogue recounts an experience in which he got lost in a corn maize, but O’Leary stops him by pointing out… strange, almost beetroot-like growths in the flattened corn. O’Leary investigates… and immediately leans why you never poke alien stuff. Minogue does similarly. Acting like they’ve been pepper sprayed (they likely have been), the pair return to the sergeant.
During their trip, it seems to have grown, almost filling the jar they put it into. Maaka is amazed! What a strage creature. O’Leary and Minogue recount their investigation, including the location that they found the pods, and Maaka seems to recognise the description…
Maaka explans what’s happened – crop circles are apparently plantation zones for alien vegetation, before bragging to his friends online. Maaka immediately sends them back out to the country, where there’s something sinister going on – apart from protesting the big mean government putting ecological regulations on the poor, heavily subsidised farmers that are clearly just getting screwed by the ahem we’re not talking about Groundswhinge–GROUNDSWELL on this blog. He orders them to look for changes in the alien vegetation, signs of UFOs, and to report as soon as possible if they see a UFO.
Minogue comes up with an admittedly good, albeit irrelevant question: if they identify a UFO, does that mean it’s just an FO? Maaka, unamused, tells our pair to FO, in a disturbing violation of How-Police-Are-Supposed-To-Act-Especially-To-Their-Subordinates regulations oh god it’s a pun.
They arrive again, in the middle of the night. Minogue isn’t sared, he wants us to know. O’Leary, clearly experienced with stakeouts, describes it as a waiting game with no guarantees. Fortunately, they luck out, and spot something deeply disturbing…
They rush for the site… to find out that it was ther police car’s lights. Minogue turns them off at O’Leary’s behest–but a clanking catches their attention, and a loud moan! A third twin–er, triplet–from Bazza and Muzza’s family appears, naked, and our pair pursue! Eventually they catch him, but since they can’t really charge him for anything – not even indecent exposure, since it’s his farm – they send him on his merry way.
They continue into the circle of vegetation, where the plants have chaned, a lot. From tiny things that fit in your hands, they’ve grown to the size of very short humans. They take some photographic evidence, including putting their hats on the damn things for some reason, before continuing on. But behind them… comes the plants. A brief confrontation ensues, where one of the plants rather rudely spits acid on Minogue’s jacket. With plants in pursuit, they execute a careful retreat, and find themselves in… something of a maze. A-maize-ing. While O’Leary goes back for her missing hat, Minogue calls out on the radio for backup. Unfotunately, they’re very lost, like a scene from Jurassic Park.
During their flight from the alien plants, they come across a gruesome scene, three of the plants feasting on the corpse of a cow. The pair comes to the conclusion that the plants are carnivorous – potentially omnivorous, as Minogue helpfully points out. They resolve to perform a GTFO manoeuvre, but another plant accosts them! They send out another call for backup – and the plant says the same thing! O’Leary questions the plant, and the plant questions her in return.
Miraculously, Sergeant Maaka answers their call for backup! Wow, he got there quick. Apparently the alien pod the pair gave to him grew to quite a size, before assaulting him, clueing Maaka in that our policing pair might be in trouble. Fortunately, he came prepared, with a backpack tank of weed killer. The tables have turned.
The tables turn immediately back again, when the plants mimic the weed killer spray with their own human killer spray. While Maaka puzzles out the plants’ nature and true intentions, O’Leary starts either the worst or the best running joke in the entire series, testing the effects of a taser on the plants. For her efforts, she’s rewarded with her own tasering.
The gang is surrounded, but Maaka has a plan! They’re intimidated by size, so if they make themselves look bigger, they can scare the plants off! This doesn’t work. But the cop coupl–god, no, uh… when the pair react to the plants with fear… the plants back off too. This offers the key to our trio’s salvation.
The terror gambit works, the plants reacting with their own fear, hiding in a nearby shed – which is them locked up by the gang. Hooray, job solved! Mostly.
The next morning, the team – battered and bruised – goes back to Bazza, and reports the intruders on his farm. O’Leary recommends some more spraying on the property, and warns him off from the shed.
Having had quite enough of this, the pair promptly excuses themselves, but not before the entire family rolls out to meet them. Minogue suggests that Bazza’s family might be more closely blood-related than first thought as they depart. A final interview with the documentary crew, and we bid this farm farewell…
The two try to start their car… but then they realise that Minogue’s little stunt with the lights drained the battery flat. Fortunately, Minogue is on the case, and radios in for assistance. The radio runs off the battery, meaning that it doesn’t work, but it’s okay, because Minogue called in for a roadside assist to fix it.
End episode.
DEE’S THOUGHTS
We start to see the establishment of the pair’s roles in earnest – O’Leary is absolutely a Scully, but Minogue is nowhere near smart enough to be a Mulder. We start to see, too, the first steps of the incredible visual gags that I can only pray will come across with half of their intended payoff in my clumsy retellings, and the introduction of the taser joke, which I still can’t decide if I love or hate. Goddamn delightful show, with the kind of humour endemic to New Zealand, unlike those alien raddishes – dry as fuck.
Overall, I’d give this episode a very solid cow stuck in a tree out of ten.
